Published January 15, 2026
“You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.” – Ayn Rand, writer and philosopher.
There were many times when I couldn’t believe what had happened. My situation was completely unforeseen. I was blindsided. How could someone die of a heart attack in their early 50’s, especially when they seemed totally fine?
I remember waking up during those early weeks, thinking I had a terrible dream. As I came to, the reality would sink in. Oh yeah, that DID happen. Not a dream. But boy, did I want it to be a dream. I wanted to close by eyes and wish so hard for my new reality to go away.
Many of you have experienced this feeling too. I know, it’s horrific and painful. The nightmare is real.
Rather quickly though, I accepted my reality. A reality that I didn’t want. You don’t think it can happen to you, until it does. As my girlfriend would say, “someone has to be the statistic.”
I didn’t know there was an official term for it, but radical acceptance is what I forced myself to practice. I did it unknowingly though. I just recently learned of this term from helping with a bereavement group.
Radical acceptance is a distress tolerance skill that is designed to keep pain from turning into suffering. It’s a skill from Dialectical Behavior Therapy. (Dr. Marsha Linehan, www.hopeway.org) We must acknowledge that denying the facts of reality will not change the facts, but instead it will keep us stuck in the past with sadness, bitterness, and/or anger. The easiest way to think of the term is this: “it is what it is” or “this is what happened.”
We must totally accept with our mind, body, and soul. We have to tell ourselves that we cannot change the facts, even though we do not like them.
I believe this is the foundation which is needed to begin the healing process.
All I knew back then was how I had to accept my new reality so that the kids and I could learn how to live in a world that now had a hole in it. Our family of 5 was now 4. The head of our household was forever gone.
I realized how I only had so much energy in a day, especially early on when I was stressed and not sleeping well. I had to pivot my energy to what was most important, not towards things out of my control.
Think about your precious energy being drained to fight off reality. If you’re constantly saying “why me” or “I don’t want this to be true” then you won’t have enough energy to focus on taking care of yourself. Your energy should be put towards healthy coping mechanisms and healing from the trauma. If you have children to take care of, you need to save your energy so you can take care of them PLUS you.
Research also shows that although radical acceptance may lead to sadness at first, calmness usually follows. Life then, can move forward. I can attest this to be true. I lived it.
Yes, the reality can be harsh. Yes, it can be extremely sad and not at all what you expected. But it is what it is. Nothing you do will change the situation. You must have acceptance of your new reality. You can close your eyes and try with every intention to wish your reality away, but nothing will change. It sucks, but it is what it is.
Grief and joy can coexist. Refer to my article from June 2025. You can be happy AND keep the memories in your heart. No one can ever take those precious memories away from you. They will be with you forever! So please move forward with purpose and with intent. You can live a life which is promising and fulfilling! Yes, you can! These words are not being said just to have words on the page. I am verification that this can happen. I am the proof! I live it every single day.
But you must practice radical acceptance first. Accepting the reality doesn’t mean you are okay with the situation. However, it will free you from being stuck in the past and its mournful and miserable state of mind. It will prevent suffering.
I believe in you! Put radical acceptance into your vocabulary. Practice it and really focus on it. Then, let me know how you feel. You can contact me directly at inquiry@sincerelyjulie.com or you can leave a general comment below. Also, follow me on Instagram @sincerelyjulie_joyful_living where I share daily stories and weekly posts, all with the purpose of helping you in this journey.