Do you find yourself wanting Christmas to be over? And the New Year festivities to hurry by and be done with? Can you not wait until the calendar changes to January 1st?
That first Christmas without your loved one is oh so hard. Some of us may have seen it coming, if your loved one was ill for a while and you had a chance to prepare. For others, it was a sudden loss and the emptiness of that first Christmas feels deeply shocking. Regardless of how it happened, it is downright heart-wrenching and sad.
I know…I was in your shoes just a few short years ago. I feel your pain and sorrow.
There is no manual for this kind of stuff, at least I’m unaware of any. I’m guessing the reason is because it’s such a personal journey. Everyone’s situation is different.
All I can say is that there is no way around it, only through it. Unfortunately, there is no rocket ship to climb aboard to escape….nothing to launch yourself away from your sorrows. Yeah, it truly sucks.
Only through it. You have to stare fear in the eye and just do it. I wish I could give you an easy answer. I wish I could make the pain go away.
However, there are some things you can do to soften the blow. To round the edges of the sharpness. Try one, try all. Maybe a combination of them will make an impact. Any little thing to help. I remember wanting to do anything and everything to make a difference.
First off, control the controllables. Don’t put yourself in situations where you think you may get upset. That annual party you always go to which is mostly attended by couples but you are recently widowed? Don’t go this year. Maybe grab a friend and go to see a movie. Another suggestion – stay off social media sites where you see friends post about all of their holiday fun. It’s not that you want them to be pouting at home, of course you want the best for them but it’s really important to protect yourself too.
Another thing is what I’ve previously mentioned in blog #1. Try to go somewhere if it’s possible. Wouldn’t it feel better to be sitting on a beach with a cocktail in hand? Or if you are a skier, hit the slopes to get away. Treat yourself, damn you’ve been through enough, you deserve it! There is something about being away, changing up the scenery, and doing something different. The kids and I went to the Peach Bowl in Atlanta on New Year’s Eve that first year. It was such an exciting game with the final seconds determining the outcome. By the time it was over, it was past midnight and a fresh new year had started. It was money well spent to take that trip. For ideas, check out Holiday Getaways or our beach rental A Wave From It All which is in beautiful Hilton Head Island, South Carolina. Your mind, body, and soul will thank you.
Also, talk to yourself like you are talking to your best friend. What would you say to them if they lost a loved one? More often than not, I think we are the hardest on ourselves. Don’t place all these expectations on yourself.
We must give ourselves some grace. We must be kind and patient. Think about it, you would tell your friend the same. Can’t you hear yourself saying, “You are doing a great job, you are so strong. I am really proud of you.” Be that encouraging friend to yourself!
Just keep moving, one foot in front of the other and eventually good things will happen. You are not stuck in this season. It will come and go, and January 1st will arrive. Yes, it is extremely hard. Yes, it seems unfair. And even if you feel like it’s impossible this year, don’t say “I CAN’T do this” but instead say to yourself “I can’t do this YET.” I promise that time takes away the sting.
Believe in yourself. Believe in the magic of the season. After all, if you don’t believe in magic, you’ll never see it. What magic have you noticed this season? Share your win with me – no matter how small. Those tiny moments of magic add up. And if you’re not there yet, let me know what I can do to help empower you.