Oh it’s that time of the year. Leaves have fallen, a chill is in the air, and everyone is scurrying around trying to decorate for Christmas even though we haven’t yet stuffed ourselves with the annual scrumptious Thanksgiving feast.
But you don’t want to do any of it. You’d rather skip the whole thing. You just want to wish it away. Sound familiar? It does to me. I know. I’ve been there.
It has been 2 and a half years since my husband Matt died. That first holiday season was tough. It was NOT the most wonderful time of the year. But guess what? I am here to tell you that it gets better. Much better. Give it time. Be patient.
Now I am not one to boss people around or tell them what to do. But I am here to tell you what worked for me that first holiday season. And I have helped others in my path, telling them the same things I am going to tell you here. It worked for them too.
For us, we typically polished off our Thanksgiving fare at home. My husband worked in the retail industry, so the holiday shopping extravaganza kicked off that weekend with Black Friday deals and shoppers galore. Thus, it was hard for us to travel anywhere.
Well, there was no way I wanted to stay at our home for Thanksgiving that first year. All I could picture was Matt carving the turkey on our big kitchen island. So I took the kids to Columbus, which is only 2 hours away. And the dogs! Of course I couldn’t leave our 2 precious dogs behind. We rented a VRBO property for that long weekend, lit some commemorative candles for Matt, and consumed our Thanksgiving dinner in Columbus.
Despite the gloomy start to it, that weekend was a fun one! We met up with friends. We went to the Ohio State vs. Michigan game. Anyone remotely familiar with college football knows that it’s one of the biggest rivalry games ever, and the 4 of us were so happy to be packed in a stadium with 110,000 screaming fans. I had a lot of fun! I felt normal. Isn’t that what we eventually want to get back to? The feeling of normalcy? Blending in with everyone else?
Same goes for Christmas. Go somewhere. You don’t have to jet off to Hawaii or galavant off to France but just go anywhere different. Heck, we only traveled 2 hours south to escape. I am here to tell you that the change of scenery helps tremendously. In fact, VRBO has many properties to choose from. You can get away for just a few short days (like we did) or you can book a place for a week or even a month. Check out VRBO OR if you are interested in a beach home, we have a place on Hilton Head Island A Wave From It All that I am offering with a discount for readers. Just mention Sincerely Julie when inquiring.
As for holiday decorating, well that’s an ominous task too. Who wants to hang up jingling bells and festive stockings when you’ve suffered the loss of a loved one? I remember asking my oldest Audrey, what should I do with dad’s stocking? Do I hang it up? Do I omit his from the mantle? This all feels so strange. I mean, even the dogs have stockings with their names on them. Her response was, yes mom we should hang up dad’s stocking because he is still a part of our family. I almost cried. No matter how merry and bright you try to feel, on the inside you are dreading Christmas. It’s like the new year can’t come fast enough. Please, be January 1 already, please. I couldn’t help but think this over and over.
But I have kids, and the kids have friends who come over, and I certainly didn’t want our home to look sad and dreary. So I told myself “Julie, it’s time to put your big girl pants on and start decorating. Just do 10 minutes a day, beginning on November 1st.”
Guess what? It worked! Sometimes it wasn’t even 10 minutes a day. Some days, I would hang up one thing and told myself it counted. Other days, I did more. You know what happened? By the time Thanksgiving rolled around, the entire house was decorated for Christmas! And it didn’t even feel like work! We used to be the family that would dig up all the holiday stuff and decorate for hours on end for like 3-4 days. It was stressful and always felt overwhelming to me. Well, not my new way! Because you know what? Decorating for 10 minutes a day gets it done, and it isn’t long enough to get sad. You just do it, like a chore.
The familiar sights and sounds of the holidays actually brought a sense of peace. Our loved ones can see the beautiful lights from heaven. I saw many cardinals, which gave me reassurance that everything will be okay. And just like that, January 1 arrived. A new year. A fresh start. A new beginning. I swear that I could already breathe easier. You will get there too. Let me know how it’s going for you. How are you feeling? Is there something you’d like to share? I’d love to hear from you! Let’s connect and spread kindness while helping one another.