Real Life Proof Why You Shouldn’t Make Major Decisions That First Year

Published February 6, 2025

Has anyone ever given you actual situations to back this up? You have probably heard this piece of advice from many, but I am here to share some real experiences. I want to prove why you must push through that first year without making any major decisions.

I lived it. I know the urge is there to just run away and escape your surroundings.

Most people do not like change. It’s human to prefer the familiar and to live in the comfort of routines. Well, you and I went through a major life change. One that was not chosen by us. It is difficult enough as it is with “planned” change such as starting a new job or moving to another city. Well, the difficulty level is multiplied in our situation. However, you have to let things settle. Do you really think it’s a good idea to make major decisions while your mind is scattered in a million directions, topped off with a plethora of emotions? I’m not talking for just a few weeks or months. You’ll need time for your mind to adjust to your new life. Think of it as a re-wiring of your brain. This could take a year or so, but it could also take longer. Everyone’s journey is different. A specific timeframe is impossible to give.

South Carolina is where my husband and I had planned to retire. Thus, in my mind it was an easy choice. I so badly wanted to be able to walk into a restaurant and not know anyone or to go into a grocery store and shop in peace. To get away from all the “noise.”

If I had packed up and left, my youngest who was 13 at the time, would have had to start a new school and make new friends. And if new friends and teachers asked why he moved, what was he to say? “Well, my dad died so we moved.” How awful.

He is now almost 16 and thriving at his high school. He has found where he belongs. Our district has an outstanding music program, and he is immersed in all of it. Had I moved him, he would not have these amazing opportunities. He could be struggling or feeling lonely. It would have been selfish of me to yank him away.

And what about my older kids who were in college just 2 hours away? They would have thought I abandoned them!

As for me, my friends helped me get through the darkest time in my life. Yeah, they would have called if I had moved, but it’s not the same as meeting a friend face-to-face for coffee or drinks.

I can see this now, but I couldn’t see it back then. It simply takes time.

Here is another instance. I had also wanted to buy a piece of land in South Carolina. Even though I now realized it was best for me to stay, my mind was made up that when my son graduates from high school and heads off to college, it will then be the perfect time for me to move south. I was looking at vacant lots with plans to build. And I came very close to making an offer on a few lots but somehow it never worked out. The universe had my back. I would have dropped a good chunk of change and then had regrets about it. I really do believe that an angel was looking out for me.

Other examples of me nearly flying off the handle that first year include selling my car, quitting every membership I had, and looking at different jobs.

These days, I am comfortable again in my hometown. Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on how you look at it, enough time has gone by that my situation is old news. I slowly realized that people are busy with their own lives. They aren’t obsessing about my situation because they have their own problems to deal with. I can now walk into places in my charming hometown and feel normal again.

My brain had to re-wire itself to my new life, and this did not happen overnight.

The stresses you might be feeling will go away in time, and how you feel today may not be how you will feel in a month or 6 months or a year from now. Give it time.

I did make some small changes though. In a way, I wanted to be a new version of myself. So l lightened my hair (nothing drastic!) and I finally lost those last 10 pounds I had been trying to accomplish for years. It was enough for me to feel better in my own skin.

So what about that house down in beautiful South Carolina? I have not forgotten about it. I trust that the time will come when and if that is the best place for me. Remember from a prior blog, no one’s life path is direct and guaranteed. So I will live my life to the fullest while my son is still in high school and not worry about what’s ahead. I have a sneaking suspicion that the universe will guide me and give me signs when that time comes. What about you? Is there something you experienced that first year? Let’s hear about it! Please contact me or find me @sincerelyjulie_joyful_living on Instagram.