What Tasks Need to be Completed?

Published January 24, 2025

I was totally clueless. I am talking about the tasks to be done in the days and months following the death of a spouse.

As the surviving spouse, there are many important things you must take care of. Some are major ones while others are tedious. I had to learn the hard way. Because mine was a sudden loss, I was nowhere ready to plan a funeral much less be in charge of important legal tasks afterwards.

Wow did I feel overwhelmed. It was daunting. I remember wishing that I had a guidebook. A checklist. A template of some sort.

Well, here you go. I don’t want you to stumble through the process like I did. I wish I had known some of this background information so that I wasn’t entirely clueless in those early days. So please use the following information to help the process go smoother. Even if it helps make it a tiny bit easier for you, then my purpose has been fulfilled. Now I am not a lawyer nor do I claim to be any type of legal expert. Instead, these are my personal suggestions based upon my trials and turbulations. Is this a complete and comprehensive list? No, it is not. Everyone’s situation is different. But this is a good start and will cover many aspects.

First of all, get a notebook and write everything down. Or input into a notes app on your phone. There is so much going on, your mind is scattered, and there’s only so much you can absorb at once. Trust me, you’ll find yourself referring back to your notes many times as you handle these important tasks.

1. Funeral – the funeral home director/staff will help with the writing of the obituary and planning the service and burial. This is also the person who will order the death certificates, which you will need for various tasks later on. Our church worked hand in hand with the funeral home which helped tremendously.
2. Social Security – if you have minor children living with you, they will each receive monthly social security death benefits until they turn 18 years old. If you are unemployed, you will also receive a monthly death benefit to take care of the child/children until they turn the age of 16. The monthly payment depends on how much your spouse has paid into the system. Also, there is a one-time lump sum benefit payment of $255. Contact www.ssa.gov for detailed information and to apply.
3. Life insurance and other payments– if you have a policy, call your advisor to obtain the funds. Proceeds from life insurance are tax free. Also, if relevant, your spouse’s 401k, deferred compensation, stock plans, and any other accounts will disburse to the beneficiary. Contact the employer for instructions on how to proceed.

5. Counseling – although this is a very important step, counseling did not work for us because I think we started too soon. The kids and I were introduced to an online counselor via Zoom about 2 weeks after Matt’s passing. It didn’t help that the counselor had cats walking around the screen and her husband coming in and out of her office during our Zoom time. I am not joking! This really happened! We got off the Zoom, and she never followed up with any of us after the initial appointment. Regardless, never shy away from asking for help. Also, many churches offer bereavement group sessions. I think the important takeaway here is that you should give yourself time to process what happened, let life settle down somewhat, then reach out for counseling.

6. Closing accounts – credit cards, bank accounts, college savings accounts, turning in a cell phone, changing the name on utility bills, and anything that was listed as joint accounts will need to be changed. This is a tedious task requiring many phone calls and follow ups. Make sure to have death certificates handy because they will need to be sent in. Remember that notebook or phone app? Keep detailed notes to help you manage it all.

7. Attorney – you will need to hire an estate attorney for many tasks including:

• Anything that did not have a beneficiary listed will have to go through probate court.
• Updating your will.
• Establishing a trust, if appropriate.
• If you have children under the age of 18, you will need to select a legal guardian for them.
• Titles – if the house and cars are in both names or only in your spouse’s name, you will have to change the name on all titles to you or whoever becomes the designated owner.
• This may not pertain to many readers, but if you suspect any medical negligence in care/treatment of your spouse, keep in mind there is a one-year statute of limitations. This means you have exactly one year from the date of the appointment to seek an investigation. Your estate attorney can recommend a malpractice attorney. Keep in mind that most malpractice firms do not take any upfront payments but instead, they take a big portion of the payout, if there ends up being one.

8. Financial Advisor – I found this to be very helpful in the months following Matt’s death. We had been working with our financial advisor for years, but we weren’t active about it. I think once a year, we would be in touch to make sure our needs were met and that was about it. Well, now I touch base with him at least quarterly. You have to get a handle on your finances, and mine really helped me understand my current standing and what options work best for me.

At the end of the day, take a moment for yourself. When things get overwhelming, step away and take some deep breaths. I promise the breathing will help you calm your nerves.

As the saying goes, Rome wasn’t built in a day. Be patient. These tasks will take time and energy to complete. But one day, you will look back and it will be all done. And you will think, how on earth did I do that? But you did it!

Is there anything you encountered that you’d like to share? We can all learn and benefit from each other’s experiences. Email me at inquiry@sincerelyjulie.com or share on Instagram @sincerelyjulie_joyful_living