Published February 27, 2025
I bet some of you are feeling stuck, wondering when the day will come that normal daily living resumes again.
Let me tell you that YOU ARE MAKING PROGRESS AND GROWING STRONGER! You might not think you are, but there are tiny moments that may have already occurred and more will happen along the way. I will prove it, just read on.
No question about it, the initial weeks and months are downright brutal. The moments of intense sadness can be overbearing, and the tears seem to be nonstop to the point our eyes hurt. A constant headache has developed from crying and worrying so much. We think we will never make it out of this. Can you relate?
I know the feeling all too well. However, I also know that time heals and you will get better. I know because I have lived through it and come out the other side. You will too.
If you’re like me, this is what I did. At first, I would count every week from that horrific day and on. My husband passed away on a Tuesday, therefore I found myself on every Tuesday after that thinking “it’s been one week since he died, two weeks, three weeks” and so on. Then it became “it’s been one month, two months, six months….”
But one day I just stopped. I don’t know why, it’s not something I had planned or worked on. A Tuesday came and went, and it didn’t occur to me until later in the week that I missed it. Has this happened to you too?
I felt guilty about forgetting it. Intermittently from that point on, I found myself forgetting certain Tuesdays to the point it became oh geez, how many weeks has it been now? Is it 17 or 18 weeks? Has it really been 22 weeks? I had to really think about it and count back.
I was making progress because my life was moving on, I was busy with other things, and I was no longer obsessing about Tuesdays.
I didn’t realize it at the time, which is why I want to tell you now so you can acknowledge your growth and give yourself credit.
From there, the weeks transcended into months. Oh, that heart-wrenching first month mark. Then 2 months, 3 months, wow it’s now been 6 whole months! I could not wait until that first year went by.
Once it did, I felt like a load had been lifted off my shoulders. The counting by months stopped. Again, it’s not something I worked on. It just happened.
Here’s another illustration that you are making progress. Let me explain. We all know this feeling. Something sets us off and we burst into tears. Whether it happens while in the car, at home, or at the store. We hear a song or we see something on TV…..cue the instant tears.
It was painfully exhausting, not only from a mental perspective but also a physical one. Our eyes are red from crying, our bodies ache, and our brain hurts from everything going on. We feel like it will never end.
But then gradually, the tears are not all day. They may come and go, but we’re able to recover. That is progress! And then one day you wake up and notice that you only cried a few times, then maybe only once or twice, then eventually NONE.
YOU.DID.THAT.
The important point here is that you are able to recover. It is no longer a day full of tears. You have developed the strength to be able to stop crying and move on with your day. I believe this is a huge, powerful step. You, my friend, are the strong person who accomplished it!
Slowly but surely, you’ll notice that the death of your loved one doesn’t consume every minute of your life. One day, I can’t remember exactly when but it was around 3-4 months, I realized a good chunk of my day had gone by and I had not thought about it. I surprised myself and remember tilting my head and thinking “huh, I can’t believe that just happened.” PROGRESS!
Do you want to know what aids this journey? We need to restart our daily lives. Don’t sit around feeling sorry for yourself. Your loved one does not want you to be like that.
The sooner we go back to work, go back to school or college, hang out with friends, or whatever it is that we were accustomed to doing, the quicker we will heal. The pastor of my church told me this from the very beginning. He said he’s seen it over and over throughout the years. The people who take that trip, go out to eat, get back to the office, and begin LIFE again are the ones who recover faster. He’s not saying keep yourself so busy that you don’t have time to grieve. Of course, take moments for yourself, pray and reflect in your new normal. But then resume living! Because sitting around at home is not the answer. It will never be the answer.
Will that first day at work be challenging? Will that initial trip without your loved one feel different? Yes, they will be at first. But then you do it a second time, and you notice it gets easier. Then the third time, it’s now even easier. Before you know it, you’ve put one foot in front of the other and those baby steps have turned into major milestones.
When is the last time you said that you’re proud of yourself? You are strong, you are capable, and you can do this! I believe in you!
Have you noticed certain baby steps? Please share them! We are in this journey together. Comment below, email at inquiry@sincerelyjulie.com, or find me on Instagram @sincerelyjulie_joyful_living.