Published June 12, 2025
It’s not exclusively one or the other.
During your period of grieving, you can also feel moments of joy. Sounds odd, probably because it’s contradictory.
Don’t beat yourself up during this difficult time. Be kind to yourself. What you are experiencing might be the toughest thing you’ve ever had to handle. It certainly was for me. And there’s no way around the pain, only directly through it.
Slowly but surely, you will discover the waves of grief subsiding. And you will start to find that there is more joy in your day, including days with laughter and comfort. I know. I’ve been there. I am telling you this so you can feel some sort of relief knowing IT IS ahead.
Yes, I promise it’s all possible. Please be patient. You will get there.
I think as long as we acknowledge that both grief and joy can coexist, we are better off in our journey. So please, if you find yourself crying one minute and then laughing the next, there is nothing wrong! In fact, I think it’s a normal part of the journey.
While you are grieving, you CAN feel happiness. And you should not feel guilty about it! You are allowed to be happy! I encourage it! This isn’t a disgrace in any way, shape, or form in remembering your loved one. We shouldn’t be sitting in a corner, wearing all black, and be in constant mourning. That’s NOT how our loved ones would want us to be.
Looking back at my loss, we had a family trip planned a month after my husband’s passing. There was a certain member of my family who did not want the kids and I to go. She told me it would not be proper behavior for us to go on a family vacation so soon after his death. That we would be dishonoring him by going so I should cancel the trip entirely.
Everyone else encouraged us to go. EVERYONE. I was told over and over that Matt would want us to go.
It was most definitely the right thing to do. We needed to get away, to escape the chaos, to breathe and clear our minds. Those two weeks away did wonders for my mental health. It was so wonderful that I didn’t want to come back home! We had fun at the beach, ate delicious food, and enjoyed quality time with my sister and her family.
I look back at photos from that trip, and I see smiles! Not fake ones either! The sun must have done wonders for us!
This is a perfect example of how grief and joy can coexist. Yes, we definitely enjoyed our trip but I can assure you there were tears in the darkness of night when my new normal sank in. But of course that’s okay, I told myself. I am human, after all, one with raw emotions and worries. Who wouldn’t be upset and crying? I took this as a sign that my mind was functioning properly.
But a new day would come, and I found myself embracing life all around me. Life goes on regardless if we’re ready or not, so I forced myself to go with it. And with each passing day, I got better and better. Things became easier. I could breathe again. And I knew I could do this!
I remember a friend saying to me very early on in my journey, “There are beautiful things that can happen despite what you are going through.” She was right on.
The beauty of friends and neighbors bringing over meals for weeks, constantly making sure the kids and I were eating. Strangers who reached out with cards. Family members who became closer. My sister and her family spending the summer with us. Friends who have become chosen family. Meeting new friends who suffered their own losses. Feeling prayers from my community.
And eventually, realizing the small moments of joy in each day. Becoming a softer, kinder person. Living life fully. Being grateful.
Don’t give up! It’s in store for you too.
I believe the grief will always be there, but not in the forefront of our minds. It won’t consume our day. How do I know? Because I am living proof of it.
As the saying goes, “where there is grief, there was great love.” Our loved ones will live on in us, with our decision-making, in our actions, and formed in our values. And how we live our lives….trying to get a little better each day, intentionally choosing happiness, and always putting one foot in front of the other….will inevitably lead to joy.
Do you find yourself going between grief and joy? Do you notice a friend going through this? Share this article with them. And find me on Instagram @sincerelyjulie_joyful_living for further support, or comment below. You can also email me at inquiry@sincerelyjulie.com, and I will personally respond to each message.
2 thoughts on “Grief and Joy Can Coexist”
Hi Julie,
Thank you for sharing your journey with us.
When my grandmother Elizabeth passed away, a part of me finally understood what it truly feels like to lose someone. My heart shattered, and I felt empty. The day after her death, I went to work to distract myself while everyone said I didn’t give myself time to mourn.
Several years have passed now, and yet, it still feels the same. There are reminders of her in everything, and Christmas is no longer the same. Each year is a reminder that she’s no longer with us, and there will be no more walnut brownies.
Yet, life doesn’t stop. There is happiness all around, and we get to embrace the time we still have with our family, friends, and loved ones.
Hi Sutton – thank you for sharing your story. You are right on in saying that life doesn’t stop. The world doesn’t stop either. Happiness is around us despite our losses. Your grandmother would want you to be happy, living a full live surrounded by friends and family. Continue to embrace the time with them. You are honoring her by doing so. Sending you love and hugs!